I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
