I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dick very happy bro
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
