I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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