Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
