Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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