Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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