So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
