Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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