Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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