She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
