High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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