im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
