My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
