he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
