i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can vaginas get frostbite?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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