I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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