apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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