$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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