yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
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Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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