ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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