we have pet lesbian snakes
I have demons in me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
