Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
