i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
