I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
