You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
