so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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