Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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