ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
