Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
