I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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