you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
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I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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