you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
