Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
