Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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