I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
