Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
