Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
