Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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