woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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