I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
