So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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