Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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