I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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