Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
