Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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