went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
