I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize