someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She announced her abortion via fbk
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
