She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
