Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
