Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
