He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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