This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
