he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
