You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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