Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
