Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
the raccoons are back...
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