i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
