if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
