im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
