I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
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Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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