You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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