Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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