Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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